Wednesday, January 7, 2009


About a year ago, I was in a Japanese restaurant in the East Village eating sushi and drinking enough sake to make Celebrity Rehab look like Disneyland. A family of three came in right as I finished my spicy tuna roll and sat at the table adjacent to mine.

There was a father, mother, and son.

The son was the biggest wiener I have ever come across in my life. He had to be no older than 13. He was such a wiener. He looked crossed between Kurt Cobain, all three Hanson brothers, and the Olsen Twins during their "grunge stage".

{Now I'm not knocking flannel. I wore it in 5th grade and I wear it now. I got it in the men's section of Target, it's black & white buffalo plaid, and it happens to be one of my favorite shirts. And yes, I wish it was baggier sometimes. And yes... being a lumberjack for Halloween was just another excuse to wear flannel.}

He was such a wiener. I'm having a hard time believing that the conversation he was having with his rents, wasn't the first time he's had this conversation with them...

Wiener: "But what is art? I mean who is to say? You?"

And then I says to myself, I says: "Ashley, this is going to be good."

It went on and on. The Cobain twin, the Hason quadruplet, the Olsen triplet; trying to make a point to his parents. The point was that...

Wiener: "Graffiti IS art!"

Wiener's Mom: "Yes, honey. Lower your voice. Graffiti is art, but there's no need to vandalize everything you see."

Wiener: "No MOOOM, you don't get it! What makes graffiti art, is the run from the police. That's why it's art."

Wiener's Dad: "I think I'm going to get the edamame does everyone want edamame? ...I want edamame."

Wiener's Mom: "Well, yes, technically graffiti is a kind of art."

Wiener: "Yeah, the BEST kinda art."

In the end, I was half annoyed and half impressed by this little guy. Annoyed by his girl jeans, and impressed that he could be so jaded at the age of 13.

To each wiener his own.
Thanks Mrs. Ryan.

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